Our Homes Being ONE!

There is an importance of equality that needs to be part of a relationship, marriage, or home. This provides an environment where everyone is able to share thoughts and opinions. If we can create a home that is of one mind and one heart than we will be as close as possible to creating Zion in our home. Ways we can do this is to have weekly family home evening activities and family counsels. This creates a time set apart to catch up on the things going on in each others lives. What their joys or struggles are. It creates time to express love and concern for each other. But most of all, it creates a prim opportunity to pray together. For guidance with the trials that each one is going through and to have the Spirit in the home. The closet thing to the temple, is our homes. Create a sanctuary for your spouse and children!

"Normally when we see anger, behind it is just plain fear"

This relates more to parents in my mind right now. What could bring them to fear? Failing to support your family? Having no time to spend with your children or spouse? to most it is the fear of children straying away from the church. When we don't know what to do we tend to be overwhelmed and we tend to hide or act out because of our fears of failing. 

"Who are these straying sheep--these wayward sons and daughters? They are children of the covenant, heirs to the promises, and have received, if baptized, the gift of the Holy Ghost, which makes manifest the things of God.  Could all that go for naught?” (Orson F. Whitney Conference Report Apr, 1929) "

The measure of our success as parents, however, will not rest solely on how our children turn out. That judgment would be just only if we could raise our families in a perfectly moral environment, and that now is not possible. 

It is not uncommon for responsible parents to lose one of their children, for a time, to influences over which they have no control. They agonize over rebellious sons or daughters. They are puzzled over why they are so helpless when they have tried so hard to do what they should." 

(Boyd K. Packer, 1992 Spring Gen Conf, “Our Moral Environment”) There is always hope for us! We need to do our part and be satisfied with that. The rest will be taken care of in one way or the other. 

Learn to Manage Money Before it Manages You

I remember a time when I told my mother that I had just started dating this guy. I suppose the fact that I was now a college student, I needed to look at dating in a different way...or at least she was doing that for me. Once I told her, her reaction was different than I could have prepared for. The first thing out of her mouth was "Karaska, does he have any debt?!" This threw me a loop! Of course I ignored her and kept talking about other things going on. To this day, this is still something that I keep in the back of my mind. "A bride-to-be would do well to ask herself, 'Can my sweetheart manage money? Does he know how to live within his means?'" When we are considering marrying someone we really need to look at all aspects of life. Money seems to be a major contributor to divorce. Because many of us marry those that did not necessarily grow up in the same income family, we need to understand how each other likes to spend money and figure the best way to manage the incoming money to be had. Also, "management of family finances should be mutual between husband and wife in an attitude of openness and trust." We need to show our trust with each others financial ability to avoid situations where one might want to hang it over the head of the other when someone messes up.

Women Working in Society

In response to Hilary Rosen's comment  that Ann Romney was out of touch with most working moms and had "never worked a day in her life" Mitt Romney had this to say "I happen to believe that all moms are working moms, and if you have five sons, your work is never over." There is this idea going around that if you are a mom that chooses to stay at home to care for your children, then you are "settling" or "just a mom." It is perceived that these titles are worthless and that you are giving up your desires for your children. This is a bit bogus in the sense that those that have mothers at home to teach them and watch over their well-being that they will build better relationships with each other and be more fundamentally sound with the values that their parents feel are important to their family. My mother was not in the house a ton while growing up because she worked all day. One thing that she did to aid the lack of time she was there was that she would make sure her weekends included her children doing things with her. Not that it was time and activities based upon us, but that she would include us in the the things that she was apart of or with something that she needed to get done. I spend many hours with her at work late at night and serving people in need at the soup kitchen that she was in charge of. This was her way of bettering the situation for our lifestyle and needs.

Lesson on Sex

Growing up in my family, there was like a unspoken understanding that sex is bad. This caused a sense of discomfort when ever any sex related thing would come on during a movie or in conversation in public. I think that as future parents we need to prepare ourselves now for what we are comfortable with explaining about bodies and what happens in marriage as far as sex goes. Sex is not a bad thing.When we teach that it is bad, then problems come about. They are ashamed of our bodies and they tend to shut down. Someone in class explained a great way of explaining the sacredness of sex to your children. I call it the piece of tape model. You explain that tape sticks together better for one bond than if they had stuck to others first. It shows how important the act of sex is. It needs to be in the right manner. Once we explain this idea to them, then they won't have to turn to learn this outside the house.

"The only person you should relate to sexually after marriage is your spouse"

This is a really good thing to keep in mind! I mean, over time looks are going to change. For instance, Brother Williams explained this idea very well. "What's the hype with 6 packs?? I've got a party ball!" It's all how we look at the years coming to each of our lives. We need to find the little things that wont change in our other half that we can love and "turn" us on forever. If we fail to do this, then we may come in contact with a big problem in our society that is occurring right now. If we aren't helping fill the needs of our partner, by loving them in a different ways, then they might turn to other means. Other means being pornography. This is a breaker in a marriage and can harm a family. There is a need to avoid this at all costs and by doing the little things, we can know what we are up against.

Dating Filter System

I think it is interesting that when we talked about this in class that the first filter is physical attraction. For me, I feel like yes, I need to have some kind of interest in his look at first, but most of the guys that I am like "He is attractive!" I don't even go after. Yes, there needs to be some kind of like of their physical demeanor, but not something that causes more of a lust. I feel like the more time you spend with one another, you see the common similarities that you have and those strike some kind of fancy. For me, I am a super reserved person when it comes to a man that I have feelings for or could see him becoming a huge part of my life. Not that I am not open, I am just more aware as to what I share. Like a protective thing. Not saying this is a great way of dealing with dating and getting to know someone, but this is how I am. So, to me I think that conversation is HUGE. If we don't have a common way of speaking to each other, then most of the times it causes misunderstandings and you hit some kind of a way. To either break it down, or turn around and go a different route.

True or False: Love = Affection

Love is a biblical mandate and is foundational to a successful marriage. You choose to love someone else by putting their needs above your own. It’s a commitment of your will. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." Affection is the kind of love that leaves you feeling close, safe, and cared for. In marriage, you feel the passion, and the loving acts become person specific. Affection is also important between parent and child. An affectionate family makes a child feel close, safe, and cared for as well. Affection must be an ingredient in all healthy personal relationships, including those with friends and extended family.

"You cannot give what you do not have"

With this idea, we need to not be overwhelmed by it, instead we need to prepare and take time to learn certain qualities that we will need for the future. Yes, in certain peoples lives, they weren't able to fully develop in certain ways and therefore, this might seem hard. For example, if you don't have a positive outlook on life, how would you be able help someone that is on the verge of taking their life? That example is very far fetched and dramatic, but if they aren't happy to be living life, then they more than likely wont be able to share their joys with others. I think that the best way to break this cycle is to get out there and do things that you aren't used to or even super confident in. Jump in and try  it out. The more you are around it, the more likely you will be to develop an understanding as to how you should act or treat people in situations.

"We badly need to raise our boys more like our girls"

I think this has some truth to it. The reason being is that I think it is key to help them more aware of caring after those around them. BUT the problem with this is that men are supposed to be men. They need to take on a role of taking care of the family and protecting them in all situations. If we say that we need to raise them more like girls, we are taking away their key role in this life. This could also lead to creating a more gay society. Over the past few years while seeking out for a companion, the guys that I tend to like more off the bat are those that are challenging to me and that take the time to listen. In most cases, they have developed these qualities from having sisters. To me, that is a great thing! I think instead of saying we need to raise them to be more like girls, we need to raise them most like gentlemen.

This last week in class we briefly talked about dates within marriage. Sometimes i feel as though this is something that becomes over looked when in a marriage because there are several other things that are more immediate. This should not be the case. A few years ago, a really good guy friend of mine was talking to me about the worries that he had about his parents. He had just found out that they had planned on getting a divorce. He was worried that his life was going to be incomplete and confusing because there wouldn't be that solid foundation of family togetherness. After talking to him I realized the fact that his parents, having 10 children, never took time to be together with one another outside the house. It made me consider my future marriage and what I wanted to keep in mind at that time. My own parents have had a rocky marriage here and there, but through all the stresses that have came their way, they have started going on dates now that there aren't any children left at home. It pleases me to know that by doing this, they are finding that true love that was there when they first got married. 

"Under stress we tend to revert to what we are familiar with"

This creates a sense of fear for me. Growing up, my father taught life lessons in a harsh manner. In Indiana, the deadline for school was June 1st and my birthday is June 5th. Because of this I had to wait a whole year before I could start school. I was home often with my dad and he would try to teach me things such as tying my shoes and counting change. If I didn't pass his test, I was punished. A normal punishment in my house was a bare-bottom spanking. This was something I wish on no one. With this quote, I sure hope that even if I was under high stress or frustration, that I would NEVER touch my children in such a manner to make them fearful of me.